Ecrasez L’Infant Me! or, how childish is tyranny by Dustin Pickering

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The season is cold and defiant. To take the edge off, I became obsessed with the political situation in my country which had elected a president that could not behave presidential. Even though I lacked the knowledge and education to properly offer reasoned opinions, I laughed at what seemed a joke in the political realm.

President Trump appeared casual and calm in front of the various secret service agents who protected his life. He lifted his hand, moving his hair from his eyes with his middle finger. His smirk was charming as any businessman could see success in his vain but warm eyes. He sat at the desk of the Oval Office, looking nonchalant. His finger had a purpose. After four hard but graceful years, the president unearthed conspiracies and corruption without even a boast.

He turned to the First Lady. “Melania, can you close this curtain? The light is blinding.” He chuckled like a humble grandfather.

Melania politely secured the curtain. “I’m sure the American people still love you, Don.”

“No, it’s over. The recounts and the other recounts simply did not prove malice or fraud. I’ve tried everything. It is time to prepare for the worst. Americans are partying outside in every major city to see me leave.”

“At least there is no rioting,” Melania tried to comfort the president.

“Well, there might be soon. I refuse to leave.”

“Don, don’t be such a baby.”

“I could always run a second time, but I prefer to tarnish my reputation now. Somewhere out there people still believe in MAGA!” Trump turned to an aide. “Tweet this down!” The aide ran to the laptop. Trump barked out a few words. “Tell my public I received more votes than any incumbent in history.”

The aide started to remind him that he still lost the election. However, he obeyed and stuffed that impulse.

Hats burned in the streets. Trash floated all over D.C. except on the new BLM road. It seemed as if Biden had prepared the stage to humiliate Trump and his great causes. Why else did the radical left win the election? It turns more people supported Antifa than the Proud Boys, yet there was peace and singing everywhere in the United States of America.


Trump was defeated but he planned to fight to maintain his place in the White House.

“Someone out there, somewhere over the rainbow, there are people who love me and respect everything I am doing and have done…” Trump was crying. His tears were of hope and not sadness or defeat. He turned an entire country back to the 1950’s as only a serious reactionary could. He was rightfully still proud of his accomplishment.

The United States had other dreams and hopes. They wanted SOCIALISM: a Clinton dictatorship, Antifa propaganda, and Sleepy Joe Biden at the helm of it all. Trump tried to convince Americans that such a direction could not be reversed.


However, President-elect Joe Biden was finishing his acceptance speech.

“I will be a president for all Americans. We will move forward. Our country is great and we emphasize empathy, courage, and resolve in our fellow Americans. Nothing like this has ever been in history and it cannot be reversed.”

At the side of the stage, VP-elect Kamala Harris was smiling and clapping. She pulled her mask back over her nose. President-elect Biden spoke of the future.  t would be bright and promising.


January 20, 2021 came quicker than anyone imagined, probably thanks to the repeal of the national quarantine order. Coronavirus disappeared completely from the dialogue and Americans were blissfully back at work. It was as if nothing serious had happened in 2020.

President Joe Biden walked in dignity and purpose to the White House lawn to smell the roses. He spotted Melania still standing at the garden.

“Melania, what are you doing here still?” The president smiled but was clearly offended.

“We are not leaving. Donald said we can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t leave? You must.”

“Joe, you know me better. I would love to leave.”

“Then do so. What is stopping you?”

“I am afraid Don has lost his mind completely. And I am not sure what to do.” Melania stood completely erect, and passively smiled.

“What do I need to do to have him removed? He’s like a rotten tooth.” The president chuckled.

Suddenly there were loud sounds of conflict nearby.

Former President Trump was digging his unclipped nails into the Oval Office desk. The desk cost 6500 dollars for the taxpaying citizen. He was screaming and shouting like a child who feared upsetting his parents with a negative report card.

“I know, I know! But still…I am the greatest, the best, I am entitled to a second term!” Trump shouted at the three secret service agents who were trying to carry him out. “Melania, tell them! Tell them now! What have I been doing all these years?”

Melania answered casually. “Eating McDonald’s cheeseburgers, playing golf. What are you referring to Donald?”

“Damn, you went from trolling liberals to declaring divorce.” Trump was in tears. His entire life was falling apart.

“I love this job. I love this country. There is nothing more I want than the best, the better of mankind!” Finally Trump let go of the desk and allowed the agents to help him off the floor.

President Joe Biden stood firmly and looked Trump in the eyes. “Mr. Trump, it’s been real. But you are out.”

“According to who?” Trump wiped the sweat from his brow and breathed heavily.

“The American people. I represent the American people.” President Biden smiled sleepily.

“How could you betray me, my America?” Trump shook his fist in the air in a fit of rage. “I have had it with this sham of an empire.”

Two secret servicemen walked him out. He appeared like a tragic figure, suited with tie, as he left the White House with head bowed.


“Mr. President, what do you really think of former President Donald Trump? Not as President, but as a person.” Cameras faced President Biden and his entourage.

“How do you react to accusations that you fondle children?”

“What are your plans to heal the nation? How do we get back on track after years of bad leadership?”

The media charged at President Biden. He turned away and bent his head down.

“Mr. President, is it true…” Suddenly the entire media corps turn silent after a quick gasp. The President had returned his gaze forward. What everyone saw is the thing of myth, the fear of all conspiracy theorists.

“Lizards take all!” The president removed the mask he wore that made him appear as Joe Biden to casual observers. His hands were deformed like a reptile. His eyes were big and black. His forked tongue slithered in and out as he spoke.

“Yesssth, we have come. It is the endth timessssss,” Biden said. “I am the lizard king! I canth do anythingsssssa.”

“Dear Jesus, save us!” Meatballs of fire suddenly fell from the sky at high velocity. The world panicked at what they saw.

“Oh my god….it’s the flying spaghetti monster!” The media corps shook frenetically. They ran every which way. The land turned dark and dismal.


No one knew how to battle the Lizard People. They began to eat humans en masse. Former President Trump gazed on the scene, laughing. Finally, even he ripped the mask he wore from his face. A gold medallion hung on his neck underneath the presidential apparel.

He clutched it tightly as the sun appeared again and glared down on it.

“I am king of the flat earth! Run, my children, run!” Trump hissed. “Do not be so afraid. We will take your planet in justth minutessss.”


I hid in the basement of my house during this grievous series of events. I heard war, famine, and fire crashing outside, destroying the once fertile and beautiful virgin United States of America. I felt my country was blameless. Having a serious disability and a bright mind, I observed my country’s faux pas during previous administrations. I could not serve in the military, but now that the military was under the lizard hypnosis I was not regretful.

I hid within an old furnace when I heard the door open. “Mikey, are you there?” My mother said. I did not trust it. She shouted suddenly. “MIKEY, where are you?”

My father was behind her. “Don’t worry, it is all a nightmare. There are no lizard people, Mikey.”

“Please come out, please.” My mother’s voice was gentle and sweet. I was shaking because I understood the reality I lived. Normal citizens were now serving the lizard people. My mother and father were not real to me at all. They only existed in a memory to me. The two adults at the door would destroy me if they found me.

Something was tickling my foot. I pushed my leg a little and accidentally kicked over a large shovel. As it fell my veins turned cold. I stood still.

“We hearrr youss Mikey. Come out and play. We have cereal.”

I was kneeling on what felt like a large metal pipe. I slowly stood up and reached toward it. It didn’t reach into the ground and was not connected to anything. I pulled it slowly from the mess of dirt and soot. It was a large object sealed at both ends.

While I was pulling this object from the dirt, my mother and father and come closer. “Mikey, we know where you arrrrsss….:

I clutched the object and ran forward like a linebacker. I jarred the object into my parents who immediately fell to the ground.


I felt remorseful, but knew my parents were not the people who raised me. They laid on the ground, shriveled up like large vipers. The object in my hand was cracked at the end from the force delivered to it.

It appeared there was something inside the pipe. I pulled it out slowly.

When I wiped the yellow muck from the papers I pulled out, I was aghast at what I read on them.

“Most everything you have heard is a lie. The future is bleak, not promising. If you have found this, know I am your long lost ancestor from the recalled past. Soon, they will expose the hideousness they have hidden for years.  You, keeper of the Mark of Justice, are the only possible solution. Your friends will be dirt and water. These elements weigh against the reptilian powers. There is one being in control of all others during this period of the Great Reset. To resist the charm and charisma of this one precious life, you must seize his Sun Emblem and throw dirt and water in his face. He is the one mutating the Earth, shrinking it to a flattened discus. He is not reptilian. He is a Sun Mammal—stronger and more violent if he is challenged. Don’t worry. You can win. I have attached all protocol to save your planet.”

Appalled at this revelation, I seized the dirt and water mixture from the bottom of the basement. I left the dark to return into the light. My home was dead quiet. I knew I would have to imitate the lizard people in order to meet the Sun Mammal face to face, in his trust.


I understood the need to disguise myself so I applied the dirt and water mixture like a sleep mask. I wore the most unhappy frown to appear evil. I knew where I was to go. the White House where the Sun Mammal would call down the Dark Ages. He would be easy to spy in the crowd.

I must be as inconspicuous as possible before I aimed to attack. I decided to hide myself in a suitcase which I would leave near the front of the crowd. When the Sun Mammal appeared, I could raise my attack and be prepared for the Rights of Return—this land is our land.


I hid in the suitcase gracefully before I was seen. I felt someone pick up the suitcase and move it. This frightened me because I was not sure where I was. Pushing the circular cut I made, I observed that I was placed in the White House. I heard talking and strange noises around me.

I pulled the circular cut back in place. Suddenly I was tipped over and lost consciousness.


When I woke, I realized I was laid on my side. I had trouble breathing. I heard a trumpet playing taps in the background. I couldn’t tell where I was exactly. Then I heard the Sun Mammal. I knew it was him because I recognized his voice as Donald Trump. Was I alone with him in the suitcase? I thought to seize the moment to fulfill my mission, but fear and discomfort caused me to wait longer.

I rested my head. Then I heard the clasps of the suitcase open. Without a second thought I grabbed the water and dirt mix in my left hand.

The suitcase fell to the ground and I fell from it, dropping the dirt on the floor. The next moments I feared would be perilous for me.

The Sun Mammal gazed at me, fallen on the floor of the White House, and his eyes twisted into many colors. He raised his hands up and then abruptly grabbed me by the throat. He threw me across the room and gazed in anger at me as I stood up.

He was tall being with a hideous character to his face. I leaned back in fear. I held my arm over my face as light flooded into the room from the window. The Sun Mammal opened the back window and hissed loudly.

“Do you really believe you could defeat my power? I am everyone, everywhere. They all believe! There is nothingsss you can do.”

I stopped myself from crying. I looked at the Sun Mammal. I wanted to reason with him before he destroyed me.

Suddenly my legs and arms went into spasms. I thought I was having a seizure, but I gathered all my willpower to stare down the beast so he would not assume my fears.

The Sun Mammal walked gingerly toward me as if to intimidate. My arm suddenly jerked forward. I realized I had some dirt in between my fingers. My sweat combined with the dirt and made the concoction I was expected to throw in his face. As my arm jerked harshly, dirt and sweat flew into the beast’s face. He growled loudly and shrilly. Instinctively I reached up and yanked the Medallion from his neck. The gold chain was tough but in my adrenaline-pumped state there was no problem tugging it from him.

After I removed the Sun Medallion from his neck, the beast turned into a pile of steaming mud and dung.

I felt heroic, but did not know what to do next. I put the Medallion in my pocket quietly. A light resisted shining into the window. A blue sky filled the room. My smile gave away my truth.

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